heilsu brauði þínu!

Someone asked me yesterday if I've started looking at the health care exchanges. Umm ... not yet! It will take some time to work out the first chaotic round of change, of course. Hilarious, isn't it, that the very people who did everything they could to block the law are now outraged because the roll out is a mess? To me, this is funny. Maybe I'm supposed to be outraged, too. I'm not at all surprised. Are you? How else could it be? Even Apple has to deal with bugs when it rolls out a new ios. This link is to a story from last month about how Apple maps sent drivers onto an airport runway. It's a disaster - and we're talking about Apple. Would anyone really believe the government could do this perfectly? For heaven's sake.

When things settle down a bit, I'll be looking for disaster coverage, you know - in case I have a stroke or something. I'll also want coverage for dental, vision, acupuncture, therapeutic massage and psychotherapy.

Yeah. Are you shaking your head slowly back and forth? Are you thinking I live in a dream world? I know, and yes, I am. However, insurance for health care should cover my health care - right? - which includes the above.

Once upon a time, health insurance was fairly comprehensive in some environments. Back in the 1980s when I worked for the San Francisco Symphony, the insurance covered a pair of glasses every year, dental check-ups and a hefty portion of dentistry. It covered my psychotherapy for five years! I co-paid $15 per session, every week. That therapy saved my life. It was crucial health care. I can't imagine what would have happened had I not had access to psychotherapy.

Even the Symphony insurance did not cover acupuncture, but it did pay for osteopathic treatment and homeopathy. I was allowed to choose my own doctors. It was great insurance. Those were the good old days.

What's wrong with our approach to health care runs so much deeper than the dollars and cents. Yes, we're gouged whether we pay insurance companies or our practitioners. This link is to an article about hospital charges, how ridiculous they are and how what is charged varies widely from place to place.

The system is falling to pieces. I suppose it has to. I'm hopeful that what will rise from the ashes is a much more balanced, sensible approach to good health. We're headed in that direction already. But we have a long ways to go, we surely do. In the meantime, I plan to continue my practice of aggressive self care which includes Chinese medicine - ancient and venerable, ultra modern medicine - elegant and groovy, therapeutic massage on a regular schedule, psychotherapy when I need it. A part of aggressive self care is getting out for a walk every day, allowing myself enough time to sleep, high quality food, spending time with people I love, and creative expression. You see? I'm aggressive in this arena.

And - I am so lucky to be healthy! So very very lucky. I count my blessings every day.

My advice? Back slowly away from the health care exchanges until they work out the worst of the bugs. Your liver will thank you, your heart muscle will thank you, your adrenal glands will be forever grateful. Perhaps your clenched jaw will be able to relax a bit. They'll figure it out. It will all work out, give it some time.

L'chaim.

Lady Sings the Blues

The Sumerians called opium poppies "the joy plant." That was in 3,400 B.C. Who knows how much earlier it was used as an intoxicant and medicine? Before the Sumerians, people didn't write things down. What we know is that since then, the use of opiates spread east and west, north and south, all around the Silk Road and eventually to the Americas.

The popularity of the joy plant is not hard to understand. It induces bliss. That's why it is so addictive. There are those who believe it doesn't actually relieve pain, but the person under its influence doesn't care, kind of like nitrous oxide. Bliss is a powerful pain reliever, it surely is.

Opiates are so pleasurable, in fact, that their use turns some people into zombies who will do anything - anything - for that high. Kill, steal, whatever it takes. It has happened often, continues to happen.

In 21st century America, there are those who still smoke opium, also plenty of people who shoot or snort heroin. There are also many people who develop an addiction by way of legally prescribed opiates: Oxycontin, Oxycodone, Percoset, Vicodan, Morphine and Codeine, to name just a few.

I'm not against pain medication, I should say. After surgery, also for people suffering from end stage diseases, these drugs are a godsend. Terminally ill people of course do not have to worry about how to get off the drug, but those who have had surgery often struggle when the time comes to taper off the opiates. The people who continue to take the drugs long after surgery are likely to suffer from full blown withdrawal when they come off the high. I've not experienced this, but from what I hear, withdrawal is a horrible experience.

Better withdrawal, though, than continued use. I've known people who became so addicted they were powerless to stop using. I was married to someone with a severe addiction to pain pills. I didn't know about it - that was long ago when I was far more naive. He was never quite present when he was using. He was detached, foggy, smiling at a joke only he could understand. His body was present, but not his soul. He would lock himself in a room and listen to music, sometimes not coming out for a day or two except to use the bathroom. I can't remember what form of denial I used to explain this to myself. Needless to say, the marriage did not survive. How could it?

Too, I've had clients who became slaves to opiates. Some were able to get off the drugs, thank god, others couldn't. I don't know what happened to those people because I don't work with addicts who are using. It's not difficult to spot the symptoms, the drowsiness, the vague, foggy lack of presence. It is extremely creepy!

I don't judge those who become addicted, I do not. Humans all around the world have used opiates for thousands of years. I smoked opium just once, sometime during the decade of my 20s. It made me throw up, then I nodded out and had horrible nightmares. It took days to recover my usual energy. I never touched the stuff again.

I'm lucky I didn't like it. Also lucky that I've not had to take prescription grade opiates.

It was long ago that someone or someones forged a relationship with the opium poppy, so long ago that no one can trace it. In my opinion, it is a very dangerous, unhelpful relationship, one of the many things we humans do that is no good for us. And yet, we're just trying to get through the days of our lives as painlessly and happily as we can. Who can blame us for wanting to be happy? If there is a pill or a powder that makes us happy, of course many of us will assume that's a good thing.

If you find yourself on the receiving end of a prescription for opiate pain medication, tread carefully, will you? Get off the stuff as soon as you can, please? These are the days of our lives. It's best to participate in life, though life can be fraught, though life can be painful, yes? I say yes. Shalom.

Seek light

For those of us who live north of the equator, the days are growing shorter. Here in the American midatlantic, the rate of change at this time of year is alarming, at least to the brainstem. Light is necessary for our survival. "Our" includes all living beings on this beautiful, ever wobbling (hence seasonal) planet.

We humans have pathologized our need for light, of course. We love to pathologize everything in my society. Our name for the lethargy, depression and hopelessness that some people feel keenly during winter is Seasonal Affective Disorder. SAD. Someone clever made up that name.

I have a quarrel with the idea that this is a disorder. My belief is that almost everyone reacts to the shift of the seasons. Having no reaction at all to the change in light is more of a disorder than the other way around. I've never met anyone who was completely oblivious to the change, though I've known many who practice ignoring how they're feeling - about the change of season and other things as well.

Some react powerfully enough to need help getting through the long, dark winter. Here is a link to a page on the Mayo Clinic site about light boxes. The people I know who use them say they really help.

The need for light extends beyond mere survival, you know. Light is also necessary for joy, hope and inspiration. Those who live in darkness don't have access to these things. I'm thinking about bats. I adore them, they are noble animals, but do they radiate joy? Do they seem inspired? If so, I have never been able to connect with the light in them. Have you? I sense calmness, focus, determination, and vivaciousness, but not joy.

But light comes in many forms, visible and invisible. Bats might tune in to a type of light I know nothing about. I hope that's true.

What I do know is that people who live in darkness become dull and lifeless after awhile. Their eyes become dull, their hair and teeth, too. Their moods flatten. Their spirits get droopy. It's a sad thing to see. 

Here in Washington DC, there's daylight all year round, just less of it in the winter. Many people rise before Brother Sun, arrive at the office just as it's getting light, then spend the entire day indoors. Brother Sun sets before they go home. Other people work nights, spend their days sleeping. In summer they will still encounter daylight at some point, but maybe not in winter. Some among us dislike the cold weather, hence stay indoors a lot in winter. Through no fault of their own, in winter many people are deprived of the life giving, inspiring, joyous wonders of daylight. Even an overcast sky provides plenty of healthy light. 

Please make sure to spend time outdoors every day, no matter the weather or season. Plain daylight is as important for your health and well being as good food, good sleep and exercise. In winter it might be more complicated to include daylight in your agenda, but it is well worth it. Daylight in winter should be a priority.

In addition to daylight, you'll fare better over the winter if you allow yourself the beauty and inspiration of candlelight and - if possible - the light of a briskly burning fire. Glowing jack-o-lanterns, Christmas lights and the like are also ways we bring ourselves cheer during fall and winter. I'm all for whatever kinds of light help us remember that spring will come again.

We are creatures of flesh and blood who do not fare well without light. We need light! Over winter, make it a priority to seek light, yes? I say yes. Daylight, candle light, holiday lights, firelight. 

Let there be light. Shalom.

Off course

Though we strive to be balanced, moderate and mindful - or, should say - some of us do, the truth is that, by and large, as a species we are anything but. We are often, (not always), passionate, impulsive and given to fits of very different kinds of moods. I think most humans could be diagnosed as bi-polar, though most of us keep the ends of our emotional/metabolic spectrums within a manageable range or learn to hide our excesses from others. But we all have our ups and downs, every single one of us, no matter how mild they appear from the outside looking in. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

At one end of the human spectrum are the behaviors that could be classified as benders. I'm not just talking about overdoing intoxicants for a period of time. People go on work benders, exercise benders. When people fall in love, initially, that condition is definitely a bender. I've been thinking about the mass shootings that seem part of life in the U.S. these days, unfortunately. Those people, the shooters, reach some kind of bender tipping point at which time they buy guns and go on a rampage. Suicide is a bender. The Tour de France? Bender.

I could go on, but I'm sure you get the idea.

On the other end of the spectrum is what I usually call shutdown. In certain cases I think of it as locked down, or even locked down and rusted shut, as a friend describes it. Included in the condition of shutdown is depression. All sleep difficulties - whether a person sleeps too much, avoiding wakefulness, or at the other extreme, when a person can not sleep, therefore can not integrate and process through sleep and dreams, and can not rest, that person is suffering from shutdown.

People in shutdown are dull. Their hair is dull, their eyes are dull, their skin is dull. There is not a lot of life force around them. They suffer from chronic ailments that never improve or get worse. They are unfocused, unmotivated. They languish in jobs they dislike, relationships that are offline or chronically dysfunctional. Their routines become entrenched. They watch a lot of television. In severe shutdown, over time, humans become blank. Do you know what I'm talking about?

I believe it's normal for us to touch these extremes sometimes - briefly, please. Go ahead, go on a bender, but not forever, not until you crash and burn. Go on a bendette. Touch the extreme, then come back to center. Likewise, sink into shutdown if you will, but don't linger too long in the muck of that extreme. Come back to center. As long as we don't stay too long at the extremes, the movement back and forth allows us the full range of human expression. It also helps us organize around the process of returning to a place of balance. The ebb and flow of emotion is an essential part of being human. We need the ebb and flow, as long as we turn back towards center before it becomes destructive.

There are many disciplines that map a course from the extremes of benders and shutdown back to a place of balance. Meditation, yoga, the martial arts are three I mention often because classes and instructions are widely available. But there are many ways to learn to come into your center from whatever outlying regions you've traveled to.

If you don't meditate, please begin right away. Take a class, join a group in your community, or just set a timer and sit down for twenty minutes. Just sit down. Here's a link to sitting meditation instructions, beautifully written by Jack Kornfield who was my first teacher. 

I live in Washington DC, just a few blocks from the Capitol. Our lawmakers are on a bender of power struggling which has resulted in a government shutdown. They have somehow gotten so bent out of shape that they've merged the two ends of the spectrum I described above. Congress is suffering from an ourobouros of imbalance. It's a crisis of extremes with no balance of any kind in sight.

I wonder how many members of Congress meditate. Some of them do yoga, some engage in the martial arts. How I wish someone would sit them down together in the rotunda of the Capitol and guide them through several sessions of mindfulness meditation, lovingkindness meditation, and the Inner Smile meditation.

A congressional daylong meditation retreat would break the impasse. Can you imagine? Sadly, that's the last thing anyone is going to suggest. It's a damn shame.

May the pattern and impasse be broken. May they move forwards with compassion and clarity. I'm not holding my breath, but may it be so. Shalom.

Make nice

Flags at half mast to honor and remember the people who died in the mass shooting at the U.S. Navy yard last week. This was taken at Union Station in DC.

It's instinctual to admire those among us who are tough, strong, fierce. We look up to those who can leap over tall buildings in a single bound. We love our superheroes in every one of life's arenas. We buy in, at a primal level, to the idea of survival of the fittest. Even med school is a kind of hazing, the way they work those people around the clock, to weed out the weak among them, I guess. Because working 24 hour shifts has nothing to do with being a healer. It's only about being a bad ass. Even doctors are supposed to be bad asses. So weird.

It's my belief that the natural, instinctual longing to be safe (the reason we admire strength and toughness) has chipped away at our belief in the value of gentleness.

gen·tle

ˈjentl/

adjective

1. 1.

   (of a person) mild in temperament or behavior; kind or tender.

   "he was a gentle, sensitive man"

   synonyms:

   kind, tender, sympathetic, considerate, understanding,compassionate, benevolent, good-natured; More
2. 2.

   moderate in action, effect, or degree; not harsh or severe.

   "a little gentle persuasion"

   synonyms:

   light, soft More

verb

1. 1.

   make or become gentle; calm or pacify.

   "Cobb's tone gentled a little"

Mildness is not well rewarded in our society, is it? They say, When things get tough, the tough get going. OK. But, though in a street fight it's best to be the strongest and toughest, being a tough guy does not always bring out the best facets of humanity, right? Cultivating gentleness, on the other hand, helps bring out the best in us when we aren't in a street fight. Please remember, most of the time, we are not engaged in battle. Our actual lives are not like the movies. Must we always be hard and tough? That's no way to live happily, if you ask me. C'mon.

Fortunately, there are many tried and true paths that help us cultivate gentleness. All of these practices involve settling down and becoming, in one way or another, contemplative. Meditation, yoga, the martial arts, and community service are examples of practices that help us develop gentleness.

There are little things you can do to become more gentle. For instance, think about the times of day when you feel most fragile, maybe first thing in the morning. Many people are a little raw, fresh out of sleep. For them, spending a few minutes stretching or breathing, snuggling or quietly remembering dreams before leaping into the fray of their busy lives helps launch the day with gentleness. That old saying, she woke up on the wrong side of the bed, sometimes refers to the harsh way many people start their days. Startled awake by an obnoxious alarm clock, they immediately jump into the shower, gulp coffee and worst of all, turn on the news. Who can feel relaxed and refreshed, ready to face the day, after an assault like that? Yikes.

Of course there are those who bounce out of bed at 5:00 a.m., chipper and good to go. For those folks, evening might be a time when some gentle, quiet moments would be kinder than sitting in a noisy bar, bellowing over the grinding beat of dance music.

Do you have an afternoon slump period? You aren't the only one. That's why people sit down for tea or take a nap. Even stepping outside to breathe some fresh air for a few minutes is a practice of self compassion, a gentle way to take care of yourself, to remind yourself that in addition to being a bad ass, you're also a creature of flesh and blood. Even small moments of self compassion help us embody and remember how to be kind not only to ourselves.

In some ways, we take very good care of ourselves. But being a bad ass is not the best course of action in most circumstances. We are a very emotional species. We need kindness, we need tenderness, from ourselves and each other. It's every bit as important as exercise "boot camps," harsh detox diets and personal trainers, believe me.

May your mind be spacious and your heart be soft and kind.

Shalom.

Pre-Existing Conditions

When people say "my back went out," what does that mean? It's an old fashioned phrase. I like it. No doubt it means something different to each individual. I think it means the person didn't notice -- until it was too late -- the twinges, tightness or discomfort in his or her back, or noticed and decided it was nothing and would go away on its own. Whatever is out of balance gets a little worse, then worse still. One day the situation passes a tipping point which is what people mean when they say their back "went out."

The sensation of pulling or tightness, soreness or uneasiness indicates something isn't quite right. I am a big fan of the wait-and-see school of healing, for non-acute conditions of course. If I broke my arm I wouldn't wait to see if it would heal on its own, but a little twinge? I might do some stretching, get a good night's sleep, and hope for the best.

When the back goes out, there's no choice but to address the situation -- rest or stop doing something strenuous that makes it worse, go for bodywork or acupuncture -- you know. When it gets so bad you can't ignore it, that is the first stage of healing.

Healing is dynamic, often dramatic. To disorganize the pattern of dis-ease requires a time of chaos. That chaos is almost always painful. In the case of colds and the flu, the fever, sneezing, nose blowing, coughing, diarrhea and throwing up disorganizes the foothold of the offending virus. The symptoms are not caused by the virus, but are part of human immunity. Sometimes the immune response is gentle, but sometimes it can be quite violent. Sometimes, in order to shake off a potent virus, all of life's routines must be interrupted, or so it seems. We call in sick, thrash around in bed, leave trails of used kleenexes all over the house. Every pattern is disorganized. When the virus has been dispatched, we rebuild our lives from what seems like scratch.

Divorce, quitting or getting fired from a job, moving house or to a new location, and other dramatic changes of life situation serve to dislodge stale patterns that are no longer balanced or healthy. I see these experiences in the same light as catching a nasty cold, or suffering when the back goes out. The unhappy accidents of life serve a purpose. I believe this even as I curse these situations when I have to endure them.

Is there something going on in your life or in your body right now that feels like a minor, nagging discomfort? Is there a sense of tightness, restriction, staleness or decay in your muscles, sinuses, relationships, job, house? These are the pre-existing conditions that point in the direction of healing and balance. These are clues that can help you see where you're slipping out of balance.

I have no idea whether it's possible to avoid the calamities that bring a pre-existing condition up to the surface, but I hang on to the hope that if I pay close attention, I'll be able to perhaps, maybe, nip in the bud some of the looming catastrophes that make up the narratives of every human life.

I am such a dreamer. But it can't hurt to try.

Be well. Shalom.

The Sweet Spot

We are cyclical beings, living in a cyclical universe. Just like the moon and the seasons, we wax and wane. Just like the stars rise and fall and spiral around in the night sky, so do we. We are not separate from the physics of the solar system. We are part of it. We surely are!

All is change. Why is change so hard for some of us? Why are there individuals who dig in their heels, who try hard to hang on to what was?

I have several theories about this of course. One among them is that we just want to be comfortable. It's an offshoot of the survival instinct. We seek pleasure and comfort because that makes us feel safe. When we find a way to feel comfortable, whether it's physical, emotional or spiritual, we want to stop the cycle. We begin to believe it's possible to stay comfortable - maybe forever - even though no one has ever accomplished this, not ever. Never. Life is dynamic and cyclical. The longer we hold on, the less comfortable we become. We harden against change, hang on tighter and tighter, long after the time when there was comfort and pleasure in whatever we cling to. Becoming stuck, blocked, and/or stagnant is not good for body, mind or spirit. It's not natural. And yet we try.

I'm talking about some of us, not everyone, of course. Those who try desperately to hang on or stay put are called stubborn, stuck, blocked, or they're pathologized, labeled as regressed, phobic, lazy. The desire to feel safe, to be comfortable, is understandable. I can't blame anyone for that even though it doesn't serve any good purpose.

This is on my mind after watching The Wonders of the Solar System, narrated by the cheerful Brian Cox, also in light of the fact that several of my clients are now going through huge life changes that they were unprepared to meet, even though some among them consciously chose to make the changes. Somehow it didn't sink in that their lives as they knew them are now over and done with. The wheel has turned. Onwards and upwards.

There's no way to stay the same. Every sweet spot passes. Let it pass. Let go. Go with the flow. Shalom.