Grief is a difficult, sloppy, miserable experience that is wretchedly uncomfortable. Whether it's one of life's whopping griefs, such as follows the death of someone you loved dearly, or one of the lesser griefs, i.e. sorrows that follow disappointments, missed opportunities, fallings out, or everything inbetween - the sadness left in the wake of broken relationships, homesickness after a move to a new city, the tumultuous emotions that follow the experience of illness or injury - no matter what level or quality your griefs possess, they all suck!!
Might as well tell the truth about it, hey?
But the thing is, if you stuff your grief, try to ignore it or "get over it," at some point you're likely to regret it. Stuffed, unprocessed, unexamined grief does you no good physically, emotionally or spiritually. The only thing that benefits from stuffing grief is the mind. It is very selfish of the ego to decide every other part of ourselves must suffer so it can be comfortable with its story of the world. I get what the Buddhists mean when they say ego is a problem. It really is!
It's extremely rigorous work, sitting down with your sorrows small and large. It can be formidable. For some people, the process might feel literally dangerous. I remember that feeling, but I was in therapy at the time. Every week I had 50 minutes in which I could unload the great rivers, bays and oceans of grief I was dragging around. My recommendation for those who want to try would be to establish a solid rapport with a therapist, massage therapist, or acupuncturist. Get into a routine of self care that can support the frightening moments that always accompany self awareness.
I'm not against medical intervention for those so weighed down by grief they can't even manage to brush their teeth in the morning. But it should be a temporary situation. The meds should be prescribed in order to break a pattern. Once the chemical pattern is broken, self care and introspection, supervised by a health care professional, should be ongoing. Only with aggressive self care can an actively grieving person keep from becoming dependent on those wondrous drugs.
Of course there are those so deeply dysfunctional they have to take the drugs. I'm not talking about that end of the spectrum. I mean all of us more or less normal folks who have our ups and downs. One thing we regular people don't do much in my society is sit down honestly with our sorrows. And we are so much the worse for it.
Be kind to yourselves today, please? Shalom.